A Hip-Hop Christmas Bonus

If you truly want to be an expert in Christmas rap - and why the Hell wouldn't you? - then you've got to at least dip your toe into the world of Kevin & Bean.  Who are Kevin and Bean?  Radio show hosts on a station called KROQ; that's pretty much all I know.  I guess they're like a morning "zoo crew" on a rock station or something?  We don't need to care that much.  The relevant part is that every year for decades, they've done Christmas compilation albums involving celebrities (the proceeds for which went to charity), and once in a very rare while, that includes rappers.  Rappers doing exclusive Christmas rap songs for their albums.

Now, half these songs are comedy skits and gags, and rap being a part of their albums actually dates back to their very first, rare vinyl release in 1990.  Specifically, "Rudolph the Red Nose Homeboy" by MC Frosty and Michael the Maintenance Man (the latter apparently being a recurring character on their radio show).  But that's a joke song by a fake rap artist.  There's more of that across these albums, and you probably have to be a fan of the radio show to really care about those.  So I'm just going to focus in on the few releases with actual, legit Hip-Hop artists.

One of the break-out songs from these zany albums came in 1996: "Christmastime In the LBC" by Snoop and Friends.  I'm sure you guys are all familiar with Death Row Records' infamous Christmas album with the pretty great Snoop Doggy Dogg Christmas song, "Santa Claus Goes Straight To the Ghetto."  That was the same year, and a lot of people conflate the two; but this is something completely different.  The idea is that it's a crazy, dark Christmas song by Snoop Dogg and the Death Row guys.  But it's not.  In fact it's Jimmy Kimmel (who was affiliated with KROQ at this point in time) doing an impression of him.  It's pretty funny, actually.  But yeah, it's a fake parody, so why bring it up here?  Because the success of that song got Snoop to hook up with Kevin & Bean for real the next year.  So in 1997, when Kevin & Bean released A Family Christmas In Your Ass, which compiled the best of their previously limited cassette-only albums onto a more mainstream CD, it also included new material like a a brand new, Snoop Christmas rap called "Twas the Night" with Nate Dogg.  It's a song in that it has original music and all, but unfortunately it's more of a spoken word skit, with him reading his own version of the "Night Before Christmas" poem.  But if you've seen it online or anything, yeah, this is where it's from.

Again, there's tons of these albums, and Kevin & Bean aren't rap guys, so there's not much of interest in most of them.  There's big name celebs like Jon Stewart, Kevin Smith and the South Park guys doing skits, and songs by big rock bands like My Chemical Romance and Coldplay, but for Hip-Hop, this really isn't our territory.  There are more joke songs, like Jimmy Kimmel doing an Eminem impression on "Stanley" and a funny fake Shaq song called "Holiday Heat."  And sometimes they'll throw on a previously released rap song, like Outkast's "Player's Ball."

But the next original recording by an actual Hip-Hop group doesn't arrive until 2001's Swallow My Eggnog.  Here, Cypress Hill turn up for "The Night Before Christmas," which yeah, you guessed it, is the same concept as Snoop and Nate's except it's full of marijuana references.  The production's cool, but overall it's pretty lame, full of predictable jokes like "I still got you ho ho hoes."  Of interest if you're a fan of the group, though.

Afroman also does a song on Swallow My Eggnog, and no it's not one from his Jobe Bells Christmas album.  It's an original one called "Afroman's Christmas Joint."  It's pretty short, but he's rapping over a beat with heavy sleigh bells on it.  I don't really rate Afroman, but it's about on par with anything else he's done.

Finally, we come to the most legit and obscure one.  2006's Super Christmas.  It's called "Rockin' You," and it's an all new, original and exclusive song by The Jurassic 5!  It's short, but no it's not a skit; it's a legit full song with some really tight production, cuts and each MC has a verse.  Admittedly, it's all about the radio show, which really limits its outside appeal.  It's like those promo songs that groups like The Bizzie Boyz and MC Mitchski would record for Red Alert or Chuck Chillout, and it's as good as those were, except it's for Kevin & Bean.  Honestly, it's better than some official Jurassic 5 12"s.

So that's it.  If you're the sort of fan who's prepared to pursue Christmas rap to the ends of the Earth, this is a stop you can't miss.  Some of the original cassettes are hard to find, but the CDs with the authentic MCs on 'em are all cheap and easy if you want 'em.  They're good stocking stuffers for the Hip-Hop head who thinks he has everything, the overlooked odds and ends of Christmas rap.

Mr. Complex Week, Day 5: Into the 2000s

Let's end Mr. Complex Week with a festive, holiday potpourri!  Plex released a bunch of 12"s in the coming years, continuing his trend of jumping from one label to another.  He dropped a whopping five in 2000, although that includes Japanese remixes and tour-exclusive split 12"s. But his next, official domestic release was "Do It Up" on Blindside/ Fat Beats.

This record's entirely recorded and produced in London by Beyond Three, a trio of UK producers.  So this is his British single.  The A-side's from a pretty great underground compilation called Wide Angles, and just has Complex freestyling over a cool, subtle beat.  The concept's just your basic, I'm dope; you're wack with lots of silly similes and wordplay: "can you relate, like your mother's sister's kid?"  It's just an excuse for Plex's fun style and personality to shine through, and it works.  So I'm not sure it needed to be made into a single, but it's a great introduction to Complex on the compilation.

The B-side is a remix of "Visualize," which just begs the question: why are we still messing with that in 2000? It's alright, kind of a smoother take with a laid back piano loop and without Apani's ad-libs.  But I basically just listened to it once, said that's interesting, and never played it again.  I guess this is just his "Bust a Move," so he can't escape it.  Maybe after doing it live in every show, he was sick of that "wah wah" beat, or maybe Beyond Three just really wanted to take a crack at it.  But why ever it's here, it makes for a pretty forgettable single.

Speaking of forgettable singles, next we have "Rhapsody," which is really a pun title for a song about "Rap City."  Not the BET show, but a city where every street and corner is named after a rapper, "you take the Hip-Hop Road, which is connected to the Bambaataa Bridge to Kool Herc Highway," and so on.  You know, another entry in that trend of songs like "Labels" and "Pink Cookies," which yes, was fully played out in 2000.  The B-side, "Everybody Everywhere," looks like it's going to be an underground cipher-style posse cut, because it features Punch & Words, L-Fudge and Invincible.  But it's really a concept song where he narrates a little story of his everyday life walking around town, and the people he runs into are voiced by the guest MCs.  It's kinda boring actually.

But don't give up on the man, because his next single on Fat Beats, 2002's "Desire" is a winner.  Three hot tracks: "Desire," "Bomb Threats" and "It's Working," which work in large part because he doesn't forget the music in favor of being clever.  Punchlines still abound, of course, but it's a funkier, groovier experience overall.  "Desire" says it features Clip of BrassMunk, a Canadian group that was briefly on Battle Axe Records.  But like so many Complex collaborations, it's just him rapping, and Clip's just doing some of the hook.  ...Which is fine with me; the song didn't need anybody else.  And L-Fudge turns up again on "It's Working," which is a fun throwback to super old school 1980-style records.

The pendulum swings in the opposite direction for our final 12", 2003's "Glue" featuring Biz Markie.  It's a crazy, off-beat love song where Biz doesn't rap, just sings the hook in his classic, off-key "Just a Friend" way.  This beat doesn't swing like "Just a Friend," though, and the lyrics get a little too jokey, like, "I got your name tattooed on the side of my dick, and when you first read it, you're like who's this Merildow[sp?] chick?  I said hold up a minute, let me stiffen it.  Then it read, 'to my boo with lots of love, for infinite'."  Overall, it feels like the concept is there, this should've been great; but it just doesn't quite come together.

The B-side is a jokey sex song called "Scrape Your Back Out" with - once again - L-Fudge.  It just struck me as rather juvenile and I've only ever listened to it once or twice.  I mean, I get that there's a tradition for sex gag records, and if you're in the mood for that, you could do worse.  But in the end, this whole 12" feels like a novelty record rather than a genuine contender, which is disappointing.

Complex has only put out one more 12" to date, 2005's "Calm Down" on Penalty Records.  It features Vast Aire, and I'll probably pick it up one day, just to round out my collection.  Plus, most of Complex's records can be found super cheap today and he's always at least interesting.  His best records - like "Why Don't Cha" and "Gitcha Gitcha Gitcha" - are a kick, and even his worst are decent.  Out of day's grouping, though, "Desire" is definitely the one I'd recommend, but I've enjoyed going back to revisit his (almost) whole body of work on vinyl.  Even 20+ years later, Complex is always a good time.